secrets

click me to find out my secret

ponderings

this post is honestly some things i've been pondering lately. it's mostly a rhetorical entry, as i don't expect to get any answers to my questions.

for example: was it my screen name or legal name in the filings?
if it was my legal name, why?
i highly doubt i'd be subpoenaed, but if i am, would a written statement suffice? or would the judge laugh their ass off and toss it out?

why do so many people assume i'm in a relationship? why do people insist that i'm the one who destroyed something that was on the way to burning down in flames anyways?

why is it that my consent violation was believed until i finally lost my temper, and now i'm accused of lying? the burden of proof doesn't fall on me to prove i am telling the truth, it's on those who call me a liar. why are they believed then? they have no proof of my alleged lying, yet i have proof i was violated. why are people so eager to hang me out to dry?

why do people so readily believe that i'm the bad guy who stole someone away, when that is the furthest thing from the truth?

why do people believe i'm the "other woman" when i have never been sexual with the person in question? why do people believe i had an affair, when we've never done more than cuddle?

why are people so quick to vilify me, even though they are being openly lied to?

why is it you can call yourself my friend for years, then turn around and try saying i'm the evil monster who ruined everything?

why is it you only cared about me when i wasn't standing up for myself?

why is it you only cared when you could control me?

why is it now that i'm the one in the wrong, when there is documented proof that i did nothing more than cry out i had been violated?

why is the word "consent" being thrown at me, when two adults did consent to a collaring? because she didn't? why don't you ask her if she asked his consent before being collared to other people?

why am i being seen as the marriage ender, when i did no such thing?

why am i being smeared as "the other woman" "the mistress" and other such names? because you lost your cash cow?

why have none of you asked for his side of the story? why do you assume that you're being told the truth?

what would i possibly have to gain here by lying? i have said only the truth for years now. i even admitted that two years ago i was told an ex was lying and doing dastardly things, and that turned out to be the lie. that he was actually telling the truth, but he had been hung out to dry and painted as a demon out to hurt women, when it turned out he was a victim of manipulation. why am i being brought into question for pointing out a pattern of lies, deceit, and abuse?

why do you allow me to be the scapegoat in a situation that actually had nothing to do with me?

why have none of you asked for proof that i did anything at all? or would you argue that my post about the collaring is enough? because there was nothing more than sending an item as a gift, that he chose to put on. why is it assumed we were sexual?

why do you assume i'm in the wrong and attack me? what makes you better than me?

why do you believe her 100% with no proof, only the lies coming from her mouth?

what makes me the devil here? is it the fact that i exist? that i'm his friend she couldn't chase away?

and, quite frankly, most important of all: why do you care?

popularity

apparently i'm pretty popular in some circles. popular enough to get comments here, that are designed to pick a fight.

let me just say this again, for the newbies being directed here at the whims of others:

my space is a privilege, not a right. i can, and i will, say whatever the fuck i want. i can, and i will, delete whatever comment i so choose. you don't like it? too bad, this isn't your blog and that isn't how this works.

if you want to talk to me, don't come at me trying to pick a fight being all high-and-mighty. i don't play those games, i'll just block and delete and carry on with my life.

if you were sent here under the premise of me being the goddamn devil, ask yourself one little question: why do you assume that they are telling the truth?

why is it so easy for you to believe that i am the bad guy here?

why do you choose to believe that i did something wrong?

what makes you think that they're right?

where there's smoke, there's fire

when the air gets all hazy, normally we're just like 'ugh, yeah, throw on a burn ban and call it a day' because usually the other side of the state is burning down and we just deal.

this year, apparently the entire west coast is burning down. fires from california to canada, all burning at the same time. british columbia apparently has it the worst, since their smoke can be seen from space. it isn't so bad here, we'd actually escaped the smoke in it's entirety for a while.

my hometown? not so much. the air quality is at hazardous levels and they're telling everyone to stay indoors unless absolutely necessary. i'm worried about my friends and their kids, but there's nothing anyone can do about it until the smoke dissipates.

it reached here a couple days ago, not as bad but it made me cough worse. we hit unhealthy levels today, but the ocean breezes have mostly kept it in check. i don't like being outdoors because i cough and sneeze, but i ordered some air masks to help in the meantime.

they're saying the smoke will likely linger until october, which is worrying. school for the kids starts soon, and college starts in september. that's gonna be a lot more people out and about battling the smoke.

i told my mom to bring her inhalers with her when she goes on pokemon runs without me, and in the meantime my husband and i have cheap paper masks from the hospital we can use until the better ones get here in a couple days.

assumptions

apparently my online activity is being tracked, and assumptions are being made based on my alleged activity. why, i honestly have no idea. it's almost as if there's some sort of weird 'demand' to know what i'm doing at all times, for whatever reasons that are cooked up.

see, what i do, or don't do online is nobody's business but my own. jumping to conclusions just because i'm online or not is incredibly stupid and isn't going to win any brownie points. assuming that "oh i must be hiding because i'm not online" is 1) really fucking stupid, 2) incredibly telling of your fucking ego that you decided this with zero evidence to show for it, and 3) again really fucking stupid.

i'm not going to sit here and justify my habits to satisfy the egos of people with their heads shoved so far up their own asses they must shit when they breathe. i will continue to do what i want, when i want, because that's my life and nobody controls me.

if you are honestly curious about what i've been up to lately, and you're not a complete fucking jackass, you can just ask me and i would be more than happy to answer you.

with that said: if you've made erroneous conclusions about me based on whether or not i'm online in a fucking game, kindly fuck in the direction of off.



if none of the above applies to you, hi there, hello, how are you doing, more small talk, haha i missed you too let's hang out sometime.

Łahda dahonó’áahgo t’óó níghaníj̨́ hak’is daaleeh, t’áá áko hats’ájah

Jó hazhó’i’ ajíists’ą́ą́ dóó nánáła’ bi ntsékees hwił bééhózingo, jó éídígíí alááhóó ílį́.

when this does not happen, things can go awry. when we don't esat-tsanh we cause diniih, and that can cause lasting hojííłʼįįdgóó. we must esat-tsanh so we ayóóʼáyóʼní others.

when we are kind, Diné ahidiníłnáago ayóóʼádaʼahijoʼníi doo dóó ałhaa dastiʼ doo. that is what we must strive for. 

T’áálá’i’ soozínígo ayóó’ánó’ní. hoolʼáágóó.  

to my pony

i will be with you, wherever you go, in spirit since i cannot be there physically. until you tell me to leave, i will follow you through heaven and hell and everything inbetween.

it's kind of funny how life turned out the way it did, just a casual extension of our friendship that eventually became full-blown d/s. when you accepted my collar, i was over the moon. nothing filled me with more joy and pride while we sat there, basking in the emotions and the congratulations of friends.

the locking sound was pretty loud, but it also drove it home that you chose to be mine. even if somehow someone got into your account and took the collar away, know that in my heart it is still there, gleaming beautifully around your neck as a symbol of submission.

when i went shopping for the collar, it took months as i was determined to get you nothing but the best. after several failed avenues of searching, it was just a few days beforehand when i spotted it on the marketplace after adjusting my parameters.

there it was, listed among a few other random things. i clicked on it, perused the photos and read the inscription below. i knew it was perfect, so i added it to my cart as a gift and decided to wait.

i was so excited i almost couldn't sleep, and then i nearly jumped the gun! haha but it went well, bought as a gift for you and straight to your inventory without any issues.

the cute little pony with puns and sass for days somehow wormed into my heart, and cuddling you was often the highlight of my day. even if you were just sitting near me while i typed away at a story, or just rested beside me when we chatted with friends, you made everything better.

you still make my world better, and i'll be right here waiting for you as soon as you can come back. no matter what certain people might say, painting me as the villain to achieve their narrative, i'll still be right here in your corner, cheering you on and helping you up.

musings

i've always found it funny when people try to justify ridiculous things with ridiculous reasons. i had to steal from him, he stole from me! kind of thing. it's kind of funny really.

especially when the absurdity spills over to obsession territory. i mean, what lengths are you willing to go to in order to ensure that your probably delusional goal is met? stalking? murder? worse?

say your victim gets wind of your antics and takes the necessary steps to remove you from their life. do you give up and move on, like a normal human being, or do you go onto other profiles, obsessively mining for the tiniest nugget of information that becomes fuel for your crusade?

i've also noticed the words slander and libel are tossed around a lot by people in my lists. okay. so let's look at the definitions then.

slander

noun

1. defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
2. a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
3. Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.

verb (used with object)

4. to utter slander against; defame.

verb (used without object)

5. to utter or circulate slander.

 

libel

noun

1. Law.
   1. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.
   2. the act or crime of publishing it.
   3. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.
2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.

verb (used with object), li·beled, li·bel·ing or (especially British) li·belled, li·bel·ling.

3. to publish a libel against.
4. to misrepresent damagingly.
5. to institute suit against by a libel, as in an admiralty court.

 okay. so slander is basically talking shit about someone verbally to ruin their good name without any proof, and libel is basically doing that online with the intent of doing the same thing.

and of course, if you're gonna talk shit about somebody, you better have proof to back up your claims of things they have done. you know, like logged conversations of how they intend to lie to someone to get their way. or some record of them saying they're going to do one thing then do another. that makes it so you're not defaming their name for shits and giggles, you actually have a reason.

of course, every inboxed conversation i've ever had on second life has been recorded on my hard drive for the last three years. my memory is long, and when it falters i have the text to show me the truth. while in theory i could edit them on a document such as this blog entry, the truth still remains in the logs themselves. a screenshot would show beyond a shadow of a doubt, though yes you could argue those can be photoshopped, you'd have to prove that they were first.

so before you go around saying someone is spreading libel about you, probably don't act like a dick when they have the proof to undo your lies.