as september draws to a close

here's to hoping that the vultures finally buzzed off and died. poisonous company was never something i could really stomach, so hopefully they'll fuck off for good.

anyways, now that i can breathe the free air again, i can finally just use my blog as normal without worrying some asshat is going over it with a fine tooth comb hoping that i said something they can use in the special snowflake brigade.

life got crazy here again, but it's starting to settle down into something reasonable. i'm prepping for october and halloween in general, since it's to me what christmas is for many others. i have some cute little decorations sitting around the house while i decide what to do with them, and my halloween tree is well on the way to being finished.

the stress melting away has been heavenly, and i've been sleeping a lot better aside from the stupid cold. damn thing has lingered for a month now, and it can kindly leave now. i like being able to breathe dammit.

other than that all's quiet on the home front, just my life calming down while i watch explosions in the distance.

to whom it may concern

hello there. if you are reading this as a screenshot presented to you in some way, i would like to inform you that i have not consented to this in any way, shape, or form.

my blog is my blog, full of nothing but my opinions on various things. the fact that it has been weaponized against me to bring the purported victory over someone else's life has distressed me greatly.

my words are my own, only i speak them. let it be known now that i do not consent to these words being used to bolster the claims made against me, nor do i consent to them being entered into a court of law.

it is my hope that greater judgement will prevail, and that the entries presented to you will be thrown out as the insignificant matters they are. i do not feel joy that it has come to this, but i hope that this proves i don't have any motive in the slightest.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. i have nothing to hide, because i have never lied. what i wrote for my own personal entries was the truth, with no embellishment. should you decide to argue that i entered my words in a public domain and therefore i have no right to say who can and should read them, i would like to inform you that while this is a public site, you have to actually have the url to my blog in order to be able to read it.

i gave that url to six people. i know at least two of them have spread it around, sending people to comment things on my page in the hopes of provoking a reaction.

this has succeeded in the past, and i have left the entries up which you might receive copies of. i am human, and i do make mistakes. instead of deleting what i said, i have chosen to have them remain as a reminder to myself that i can say quite vicious things when i am angry. it is also a reminder that things have a time and place, and quite honestly this blog is one of them. this is my safe space, i created it. i own it. i speak in it.

if you have any questions for me, i'm afraid i will not be giving out my name or any contact information. i am simply asking to be left alone, and to stop using my blog against me.

thank you for your time.

emotions

one of the things that i really love about music, and music therapy is how much i can really relate to the lyrics of a song. not just the words, but the emotions it evokes or the words they convey. for example, this song from my favorite album by the offspring really relates to my rage.

Feelings
Nothing more than feelings
Trying to forget my
Feelings of hate

Imagine
Beating on your face
Trying to forget my
Feelings of hate

Feelings
For all my life i'll feel it
I wish I'd never met you
You'll make me sick again

Feelings, oh oh feelings
Of hate on my mind

Feelings
Feelings like I never liked you
Feelings like I want to kill you
Live in my heart

Feelings
Feelings like I wanna deck you
Feelings like I've gotta get you
Out of my life

Feelings, oh oh feelings
The hate's in my eyes

Feelings, oh oh feelings
You're not very nice 

i love singing along to this song when i'm angry, as it helps me to process my emotions in a way that doesn't lead to self-destruction. it also helps that i picture the object of my rage while i'm singing, imagining beating them to death or stabbing them or any other fun thing that would actually land me behind bars in prison for about twenty-five to life.

now before you start screeching your whale songs about how if i write a blog it must be about you, keep in mind that if you're not 5'9" with red hair, hazel eyes, freckles and a penis, then this entry ain't about you sweetcheeks. ;)

thoughts

fair warning, i'm currently stoned as i write this entry. it's gonna be all over the place.

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lately i've been exploring the world of modification in second life. i've needed help, of course, since i have no idea what i've been doing, but it's come out pretty cool. now i have unique outfits that i can change the color of at will, instead of having to shell out a bunch of linden to buy another outfit.

i now have a couple modified outfits, that i've attached modded hair to so i can walk around being a vibrant rainbow with a simple typed command. it also brings me a sense of satisfaction that this is a new skill i can work on and improve, although i'm not sure how far i'll go with it.

i also like how i can tweak things like light boxes with a simple script. makes my photography look really cool. okay i'm rambling i'm gonna stop now. consider this a useless entry haha

fall

the seasons are changing, days are getting shorter and it's getting cooler in the evenings. thankfully all my heating needs are already taken care of, so i won't really have to worry about that. gonna have to adjust to my husband going off to college again once the quarter starts, it always takes some getting used to.

don't really have any plans lined up other than halloween decorations and spinning tunes as usual. while i have thought about picking up more shifts to earn more linden, at the moment i am perfectly happy only doing two days a week. i seem to get more tired if i try doing three. even when the third shift was only once a month, it often exhausted me to try and squeeze it all in.

now with my other job on my plate, i have to make sure that i'm active in that area as well. so far i've been keeping up, aside from a hiccup with trying to align schedules with a french coworker who's hours i don't know. that was a bit awkward, but i did reach out to let him know my timezone.

it's also been great spending quality time with my sl momma, i'd been missing her and she's busy as shit lately so even though it wasn't very long before she had to go to bed, it was still nice. hopefully as things pick up, if i make it past the probation period we get to work together.

as the holidays approach i've been vaguely concerned about my depression kicking up, but i guess as we get closer to november i'll have a better idea of how i'm doing mentally. that's about it really, all's quiet on the home front now that i know what my schedule looks like.

september

now has come september, the hunter's moon begun. and through the wheat and stubble, is sometimes heard a gun. the leaves are turning yellow, and kindling into red. and the ripe and bearded barley is hanging down his head. all among the barley, who would not be blithe when the ripe and bearded barley is smiling on the scythe.

now, before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, that's an excerpt from one of my favorite elizabethan songs called "king barley" and i like to post it every september first. it's a weird habit of mine, but we usually sing it in the summer so i started posting it in the fall.

there's more to the song of course, but that's the only part i can ever remember without looking at the songbook. i wish i owned a copy, so i could sing it properly. another one i love is bedlam boys, it's very catchy and i love to sing it.

for to see mad tom of bedlam, ten thousand miles she traveled. mad maudlin goes on dirty toes, for to keep her shoes from gravel. still i sing bonny boy, bonny mad boy, bedlam boys are bonny, for they all go bare and they live by the air, and they want no drink nor money.

i always get the first part of this song wrong, it might not be tom lol. i always need the songbook to sing it properly. but yeah, this is my yearly september tribute. :)