shock

so just when i start getting my feet under me, i get dealt a blow that knocks me flat on my back. and it seems that this is my life. two steps forward, three steps back.

parzival, the only conclusion i can come to is you still read my blog. since i logged in to find very nasty messages from you, and the knowledge that you kicked me out of kardoloth. i could go on a long rant, i guess, out of the hurt you have dealt me.

you wanted me to remain discreet about our relationship. i never told anyone publicly, in fact privately only about eight people knew about us. if i was asked, i never said your name, to respect your wishes. i demurred and referred to you as "my beau" so that people would leave it alone.

when you dumped me, no one knew publicly. the only people i told were the ones who knew we were dating. i never told anyone in kardoloth that we were together, and though i asked aelithe advice on how to go on pretending we were never an item, i never spoke your name.

i did everything you wanted me to. searched out fetishes, dreamed up ideas for scenarios. i kept what we had secret for three months, and no one in kardoloth had any idea. what i said in my previous entries is all true.

you claimed i talked down to you, but you never provided me the evidence so i could correct my behavior. in fact until you brought it up, i had no idea i was doing anything wrong. i thought we were doing okay.

even when i stumbled across your new love aralithe four days later, i kept silent. only three people knew that i had encountered your new girlfriend until i turned to my blog to pour out my pain. i stayed out of kardoloth while i processed the pain.

i never hinted to any of the members what was going on. none of them knew.

i won't forgive you, and i won't forget who you really are, parzival. but what i won't do is pursue you in hate. you're blocked now, to protect me. you're banned from my home, though i doubt you care, and you probably banned me from the kardoloth sim.

what i won't do, is ever divulge what had been said to me in confidence. i'm not that kind of person. but just remember, parzival, is that while i will keep my peace, there is a price we all have to pay. karma, as it were, karma affects us all. this isn't a threat, this isn't a promise, this is simply informing.

by hurting me, you have hurt yourself. you just don't know it yet.