scifi con and me

well now that the craziness of the ten days is finally behind me, i guess i can talk about helping to run scifi con. i didn't realize that i'd been promoted beyond a DJ until i was told, and it was certainly another ball game to be part of the event staff. i'd never done anything like this before, it was different than just being a host.

i got to send out notices for the events, do handover for the different acts, and basically be a simultaneous host as well as a stage hand. countdowns, stream handovers, i felt like one of those people who wear a headset at real life shows. it was pretty cool, and pretty crazy at the same time because i basically had no warning and got thrown into the deep end.

admittedly it got the most crazy when i spent three days doing the work of five people by myself, but somehow i managed to pull it off and have each show perform absolutely flawlessly. the by far longest shift was when i had to do a twelve hour shift without any breaks because somehow emergencies and craziness all cropped up at once.

 this was me after the doctor who experience show, i'd asked for a photo with the doctor and he obliged. i had my staff shirt on at the time since i didn't really dress up until later on in the con.

 this was the doctor's assistant at the show, i didn't catch her name but it was interesting to watch.

and then this was me, front row at the metallica concert. what you can't see are the thirty or so people behind me. the show was absolutely crazy, and by far the best show i've attended in a while.

while it was certainly fun, i don't really know if i'll do it again next year, DJ or staff. dealing with the craziness on the heels of fantasy faire was really draining for me and it seems my recovery is slow.

a new year

i went radio silent for a long time. i had no desire to write, knowing that every sentence, every word was being scrutinized made me take my work elsewhere. public blog and all that, but the internet is quite a vast place and it's not hard to just make a new spot. for a time, that's what i did. but this blog is my home, where i spilled my hopes and dreams, my fears and anguish.

2019 was certainly epic on several means, and it's an interesting time of reflection.

i joined a few porn companies, then settled on being a solo artist since it meant i could work on my own time and didn't have to worry about deadlines. the friends i'd made in scorpion rebirth and true porn productions are still around, and every now and then i team up with a coworker for a few shoots.

i finally launched my company under my own name, not one that had been tainted with drama and fuckery. i have an established headquarters, and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment with my brand.

under said brand i partnered up with another company, and we are moving forward as a booming media empire in sl. we've performed all over the grid, sponsored events from sci-fi con to burning man to innsmouth, and 2020 looks to be even bigger and better. our empire already has ads in a few digital magazines, and with our partnership with a few other companies we look to take sl by storm.

since my brand falls under the umbrella, i have become a director of one of the branches and will be getting employees to work for me full time to help me manage. this also means i'll be helping to run major events in sl in various ways, with pick of the litter for DJing if i feel like it. it's kind of scary, but also exhilarating.

the power at my fingertips is extremely humbling, since i'm now staring down events with hundreds or maybe even thousands of avatars attending. it also means while i'm being trained, i'm gonna start seeing my face over a lot more places. i already had a full page ad of me run on facebook and in a couple magazines, and a billboard to boot!

every time i suddenly see an ad of myself, i can't help but think of the people who've helped me get there. of the friends who've stood by me, rooting for me when i hesitate and catch me when i fall. they're the ones who've gotten me out there, putting my reputation on the line as a stellar DJ who performs professionally without any bullshit or shift-cutting drama.

i've also settled into my routine at a roleplaying sim i've been a member of for just over a year now, assisting the staff who run it and plan events on occasion. spinning my sets here and there to help break the ice or just let people relax and party still makes my head spin, and i achieved accidentally crashing a sim!

then there's the blog for the sim that i post on, keeping the players up to date for a few months now. talk about hectic!

there's also been the promotions at the clubs i still work for, and i've also started training an assistant at one of the locations to be there when i can't and help others. it's kind of crazy how all of this has been growing, though sometimes i just feel like it's all a fever dream and when i wake up it'll still be 2016, with me a scared newbie who has no idea what she's doing and still caught in a toxic web of lies.

in yet more craziness, there's been my fanfic stories and even a sponsored story i've been working on. somehow i've managed to juggle several different hats without really dropping too many balls, and my work is updated when i get a chance to do so.


2020 looms brightly before me, and no matter how scared i am, when i jump i know there will be an entire crowd of people that love me who will be waiting to catch me and show me more of this brave new world. i have shed all the remnants of my past, and i'm no longer associated with unsavory things that could hurt me in the future.

i am also looking forward to my second collaring anniversary with my beloved pony, our third year with a locked harness, and of course our second year wedding anniversary.

annoyance

you know how when you write a blog, you're essentially writing for an audience? well this is me going "for the love of god, announcing to people that you not only read my blog, but you want me to stop writing about x, y, or z is really fucking irritating."

so yes, yolanda, this entry is about you. congratulations. you've finally annoyed me enough to actually call you out by name, instead of just using pronouns like a classy person does.

so here's the thing, yolanda: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

yes, i am dedicating the attention you so desperately crave in an entire entry devoted to your bullshit because i am just so goddamn tired of having to tiptoe around your horsefuckery.

fact number one: i never threatened your fucking kids, you fucking cockwaffle. that was for you. if you don't like my blog, stop fucking reading it and get some professional help because your obsession with me isn't pretty.

fact number two: the entry you fucking bitched about wasn't about you, because again, not everything is about you ya fat sack of shit.

fact number three: you need to move the fuck on.

fact number four: i do not give a flying fuck if you complain about my blog, it's my blog. lose my fucking url if you hate what i write so much. did you want a cookie? too bad. no cookie for you.


okay, with that out of the way, let's move on to other things, shall we?

i'm already aware that this blog entry is going to get back to certain people. i honestly don't fucking care because i am a grown ass adult with other shit to do. do you know how fucking irritating it is, knowing that after all this time some ignorant fat fuck is going over every entry with a fine tooth comb so she can whine about whatever bullshit she gleans from it?

it's fucking exhausting is what it is. so many things i wanted to write about, but couldn't, because the fat fucking cunt was trying to dig for non-existent dirt.

i've been the better person, i've taken the high road, i've not engaged and simply ignored.

why the fuck do i have to keep doing this? it's been a goddamn year since our falling out, and you still keep obsessively checking to see if i wrote about the great white whale or not. i openly made attempts to just write about other things, but no, yolanda had to get on her high fucking horse and bitch about things that had nothing to do with her, because she thinks it was about her.


GET SOME FUCKING HELP, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING DISGRACE. JESUS.


seriously, yolanda, you need to seek professional help. obsession isn't healthy. just leave me the fuck alone. okay? okay.

oh, and nobody gives a shit about ymo because it's a fucking cult.

hope

cockwaffles aside, i wanted to talk about hope. my life has basically sucked pretty hard since my grandpa died, but it seems like now things are starting to look up again.

my family, a lot of whom i haven't gotten along with in years due to various reasons, stopped treating my brother like he's invisible. while i'm still not treated that great by some of them, i am grateful that they remembered his existence.

my cousins are either completely grown, or just about there, and i've been watching their lives unfold. it's kind of weird really, since i have tangled memories of when they were little and i was playing with them or babysitting them or whatever. but the adults they're becoming are so full of possibility, i'm kind of excited to see where their lives take them.

hell, one of my cousins that i used to be super close with has actually been clean for a couple years now. she's in college, got a job, doing really well. i'm really proud of her too, since we're fairly close in age.

some of my friends are getting married, having babies, and i'm pretty happy for them. it's nice seeing the people i care for having good times.

my art is starting to flow again, which hasn't happened either at all, or just barely since grandpa died. i also have mui mel too, which has been nice.

so instead of my world being dark, the dawn is finally coming again. so i am full of hope.

to my stalker

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I PUT IN MY BLOG THEN STOP FUCKING READING IT YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING COCKWAFFLE
 

to reap what you sow

i'd be lying if i said the news didn't make me happy. i knew it was coming, known for a year because that's how it always goes. once she's drained you of your money, she moves on. sure, he wised up and dumped her while he still had funds left, but you're gonna be feeling that financial mistake for a long time.

i have no sympathy. when i start feeling for him and all that he's gone through, i remember what he said when he tried to weaponize my heritage against me. to turn a sacred name into a pejorative for the sole purposes of hurting me.

y'know, your entire country has a history of doing that, good to see that it isn't dead. /s


you have reaped what you sowed.


she's already moved on to the next guy, and once he's drained dry she'll be on to the next with her sad tales of woe to garner sympathy. i'm willing to bet she'll lie and say that he raped her too, because it'll get likes on facebook and sympathy from poor souls who just want to do a kindness.


you reaped what you sowed.


while you go on your journey of mental health and healing, i hope the words you said to me out of anger and hate haunt you until you die. you can't hide behind a shiny new diagnosis, you knew that it was wrong and yet you said it anyways because you're just as toxic as she is.

you reap what you sow.

mui lúg

i wish i could post photos of you on this blog. but the stipulation was 'as long as people don't get in my face about it' and since there are known fugly ass harpies who stalk me from time to time, it's safer if i don't. i won't even use your name.

so i'll use one i've come up with to call you on here, since without translation nobody knows what it is, let alone the language. the odds are pretty good you'll never read this, but i wanted to type this out anyways. one of those therapeutic things.

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even with all the stresses from my life, online and off, just being around you is immensely calming. my worries melt away when i'm in your pixel arms, and things that seemed impossible before are doable now. 

you remind me to stop and breathe, you help me shake things off that normally affect me for days or even weeks in hours instead. your words center me in ways i'd forgotten were possible, and time stands still instead of rocketing faster.

i certainly had no idea when the lines blurred that i'd catch feelings, but i'm glad i did. spending so much time just healing from being hurt over and over i forgot what it can be like to just be happy. to light up when you see a screen name log in, to get a message greeting you in the morning.


no idea how this is going to play out, but i'm willing to just live in the moment with you.

mui lúg, mui aran, mui mel.