tail opinions

i have a lot of time on my hands, so i've started watching a lot of youtube videos. mostly of channels here and there, on occasion a random suggestion that's popped up on my list. so with that said, i began to explore, do a little research, and have formed opinions on products. of course, i have basically no idea what i'm talking about, so if this post screams "you have absolutely no idea how this works!" you would be correct and should probably stop reading before my words cause a rage-induced aneurysm. today's opinion is on fabric tails.

why, you ask? well, because the thoughts have been tumbling around in my mind a lot and might as well start hitting keys until they become words on a page.

to start: yes, i do in fact own my own fabric mermaid tail. just the one, i'm very fond of it and would like to be able to test it out in the water after i get more physically fit and regain my strength and stamina in the water.

now that that's out of the way, let's get down to my observations and opinions. now, i will admit here i am certain i am biased against a particular brand, and i will also explain why. please note that while my words  may will become scathing, i will add positivity. okay?

anyways, let's get down to brass tacks.

in my quest to own a mermaid tail, i stumbled across this site that makes tails here in the usa. intrigued, i checked out the website and got click happy. i was in love! the patterns were gorgeous, and there were so many options. i had to have one. the price initially gave me pause, but then i noticed that there was a sale going on, and it was cheaper than the original listing. after not-quite-begging, i managed to get my hands on a beautiful tail for my birthday. a short while later i realized i needed a monofin, both so the tail didn't look so ridiculously floppy, and the fact that i wanted to swim in it. happy as a clam i ordered a monofin from the same site i got my tail from, and now i have an amazing tail currently resting on my dresser until there's a time to wear it. (side note: i've worn it in public once at an event, but i have yet to test it out in the water.)

sometime after i had my tail and before i had my monofin, another site that makes tails caught my attention. they're pretty popular, so i decided to look around their website and see if maybe i wanted to branch out into their collection. right away as the page loaded, i was assaulted by a bright, chaotic theme that seemed tailored for kids. confused, i managed to click around until i navigated to the right section. all the tails looked... weird. not really tail-like at all, more like a tube with a half-assed fluke at the end. the patterns seemed nice, but the names of the colors threw me off. why were there person names with these shades of purple, orange, red, and yellow? that question was quickly answered when i clicked around some more. it would seem that this site not only caters to kids, but has an entire line of comics, comic books, and freaking barbie dolls of some characters they made up. that's why the tails have people names attached to them, it's the tails the characters are wearing. i thought that was odd, but hey if you wanna market the shit out of an original thing you came up with, you do you boo boo.

then i saw the prices. why, those are right up my alley! so what's the catch? no catch, this site claims. just "quality tails for affordable prices." call me skeptical, but if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. apparently they made their own monofin too, but i'm getting a little ahead of myself here.

cheap tails that look nice underwater! yay!

there's gotta be a catch. there's always a freaking catch. so, with that in mind, i began hunting youtube. i didn't have much luck at first, because typing in "mermaid" or "mermaid tail" will get you a ton of channels about kids and teens pretending to be mermaids or doing outrageously silly mermaid stories. cute, but not what i was after. so then after months of periodic net diving (heh), i found a channel that talks about and reviews tails. lo and behold, she had one of the tails from this site. she seemed super excited about it, and i clicked on her first swim video. right away i noticed two things: the fabric is so thin that in the water it's transparent, and the monofin is crap.

now, there's nothing else i could initially observe wrong about this tail aside from those two things, but i'm a picky person and those right there were a deal breaker for me. i'm incredibly shy about my body, so swimming in a pool with a see-through fabric tail was just not gonna cut it for me. but now i know why they're so cheap; it's because the fabric is poor quality and basically turns into a wet white t-shirt. awesome.

interestingly, the tail that i have, it's made out of a thicker swimsuit fabric and when i have it on it's noticeably a different sensation. my bikini feels like it's made from a thick fabric, and my tail is about the same. a quick jaunt to youtube sort of confirms that it remains opaque underwater, but since that's basically confirmation bias i'm ignoring it. however, in perusing the review channel i did notice one thing: every single fabric tail she has, which are from several different websites at different costs, all have the same issue: they go transparent underwater. so then i have to sit there and go, "is it truly confirmation bias if the issue seems to go across several different brands?" i'm still leaning towards yes, since she doesn't own a tail from the site i got mine from, and basically poo-pooed it without testing it in one of her older videos. although i find it mildly interesting that the site she raves about a lot is the site i am completely against. hooray for opinions, right?

now, on to the monofins.

the ones marketed for the cheap thin  awful kids brand tail were their own design that they apparently patented. they explained it was basically plastic with foam covering with foot holes. wat

and somehow these pieces of crap monofins were "better" than the competition. just, what? i can't even. i mean for real, they took some plastic, covered it in some sketchy fabric, cut in some foot holes, and put socks in them and said go apeshit. now, this is where my bias against this brand is showing the most, because i cannot fathom how the hell that is going to work. (spoiler: it doesn't.) i managed to sit through about ten to fifteen different videos of this brand's tails in action in different pools/lagoons/hot tubs/rivers/lakes/what have you and observed that everyone wearing them had to severely compensate for the monofin by putting more power into their dolphin kick. (the dolphin kick is the actual name of the mermaid style swimming people do.) i also noticed that the plastic is flimsy as shit and pretty much negates the buildup from the dolphin kick and means you have to become an undulating ribbon if you want to get anywhere underwater.

the monofin i have is from a reputable brand, which can be found online and got a shout-out from a few pro mermaids on youtube. (woo!) it's bigger than the plastic contraption, shaped like an actual fluke, and contains a strap to hold your feet in to it without any chafing or painful rubbing. watching videos of mermaids/mermen wearing this fin, it seemed obvious to me which one was the better choice. they even come in cool colors, and i opted for the pink and purple one as i thought it was cuter than the blue one. it held up well with the buildup from the dolphin kick, and gave a decent boost to the speed of the swimmer and looked very nice.

so, with all that said, my final thought is this: if you're looking for cheap, easy to use, and great for kids, then this super popular brand will work for you. if you're incredibly picky like i am, take the time to look around and see what else is out there. and remember, money talks. if it's more expensive, it's probably better quality.