disclaimer: the title of this blog is a line from Deep Love: A Ghostly Rock Opera
a lot has happened within the last few weeks. most it was covered by io and spitfire, but now comes the time for me to put in my eighty-two cents. first and foremost, i did end up choosing my electricity bill over my internet bill, so for the interim i am sans wifi until i can pay it and get it back. i've just been waiting for my money to kick in so i can catch up, and in the mean time i've been going to my mom's house to log in to second life.
the day after christmas i took the bus over to my mom's house, and did my after christmas roaring twenties party at cfnm mansion. it went really well, had a contest to giveaway a gift card that i didn't want, and my new headphones worked flawlessly. i'm still working out the mic, but i think i'm louder than i used to be as i push the line forward until i can just barely see the actual mic portion of it in my peripheral vision by my lips. once i figure out a sweet spot for it to sit, i'm gonna keep it there. my husband made a post on facebook and tagged me in it, informing the masses our internet is down for a little while.
apparently that caused some people to freak out. ironically, they were freaked out thinking i was freaked out. contrary to their beliefs i was not, i wasn't worried because my mom lives about a mile down the road from me and it isn't hard to get to her house. i spent wednesday, thursday, and friday offline, getting ready for my double shift and looking forward to it. i hadn't logged on to my facebook, it didn't occur to me that i was being left messages because i assumed people would wait until i had stable net again.
so i didn't know my shifts had been taken from me until i logged on a half hour before the divine sadism party after riding my bike to mom's house. needless to say, i was pissed. i was so angry i did a complete 180 into crying, because it was my shift dammit! i got my shit together, and my rage burned over. i had every intention of packing up my shit and going back home when tanarra popped into my inbox. she asked me to stick around for the party, since i had told everyone i was going to do it, and while apparently the other divines think i pulled a miracle out of my ass, i merely activated plan b. my anger was white hot.
tanarra apologized profusely and gave me my pay, since i had shown up before it was time with a set ready to go, and suddenly had nothing to do.
i also found out that on wednesday bryan and cooper had been informed of my situation, and my shift at old guard had also been taken from me.
i ripped penalt a new asshole, vented like crazy, then spent 90% of the two hours at divine sadism on facebook because i didn't care if i paid any attention.
as io has said, yes, she has my back. she and i are backups to each other, but she missed a crucial point.
when i need a backup, i say so. i hadn't intended to tell anyone about my lost net because it was going to be for about two weeks at the most, so i didn't think it was a big deal as i could hop over to mom's house (which made her happy because we don't visit enough) and do my job. i didn't need the backup, because i still had it under control. when i need her to step in, at the very latest i tell her three hours before my shift. i normally tell her days or even weeks in advance if i'm going to be gone during work.
so while she does feel awful for stepping in on my behalf, i do want it known that had i asked her to cover my shifts, she would have been golden. but i didn't ask because a mile long bike ride isn't that bad of a distance when i'm not riding the bus, and mom often drives me in her car anyways. it was actually a win-win because mom gets to chat with me and watch me work, and i get my husband out of my hair so he can socialize with the other people in the household.
the problem here is that there was an assumption of how i was reacting to not having internet. am i bored out of my mind? hell yes. but it's not the end of the world and since mom no longer lives in the next city over i wasn't worried. i knew i could still do my job. now that i've settled down temper wise, i do appreciate what she did for me, even though it wasn't needed nor wanted at the time.
the last time i had her tag in was then i was en route to the hospital, messaged her about three hours before my shift letting her know i was going off to the er in pain, and that i was tagging out. i kept her updated on what was going on while i was being poked, prodded, and ultimately diagnosed and sent on my way home with a prescription to fix me up, and she had my shift either taken over or cancelled, i don't remember. that is something that i needed her for, and she stepped up.
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spitfire finally got off her butt and proposed to io, as i'd been bugging them to partner up since around thanksgiving. i got the hint about it when i saw an email pop up from linden labs informing me of a "divorce" and knew she'd finally bucked up and asked for io's hand. there was a blurb about it on discord, but i mostly ignored it as, shocker, i didn't care. i do actually care and i'm very happy for them, just at that exact second i was in a mindset of "fuck everyone and everything, i'm busy" so it didn't really register with me.
io did check in with me on discord, where she also asked me about blog posts. i hadn't saved the bookmarks so i informed her i had not read them. while catching up, i noticed a current theme about me. mostly a "how does coyote feel?" "would she be okay with this?" what ifs plagued both io and spitfire. i had already given consent to their partnering, which meant being unpartnered. that didn't bother me one bit, in fact when i saw her new name in the divorce email i said "finally!" out loud because it meant they could really be together as a couple in a poly relationship.
io touched on fearing she's abandoning me in her quest of newfound happiness. she's not. just because my name will no longer be in that silly little slot on her profile, doesn't mean i'm gone. i'm still her waifu, her silly coyote. the only thing that's changed is spitfire is healing her, instead of her ping-ponging over second life with no one to rear her in.
i'm honestly hoping there's a wedding ceremony, she needs one. plus spitfire will look totally awesome in a pink wedding dress, pink veil, flowers, and shoes. somehow a riot of pink looks good on her, when it would look silly on anyone else. i actually have a pink formal dress lurking in my inventory should she decide on a pink theme, and i have a location for a store in my place menu where you can get locations, and i happen to know that one of them has a big hall with pink roses.
am i sad at all? nonsense. i feel relief and joy that io and spitfire are getting closer, because their love is the sunshine that pierces the gloom. spitfire is the best person for her, that shithead ezee did nothing more than tear her down and burn her out. i'll be fine, like i have been since i walked away. i'm not looking for anything right now, i'm forging my own path while stumbling around second life.
so stop worrying about me dammit, you two hopefully have a wedding to plan.
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