this week is finals week for me, so i haven't been on. i've been prepping by writing down notes and watching videos my teacher posted to better understand the material. i'd been on sl over the weekend, but once i needed to do my assignments i shifted my focus and hadn't logged on. today i get a ping while i'm writing down notes for math class. i finished jotting down an equation, then picked it up and read the screen. apparently hell froze over, as ezee was online. i wasn't interested in trying to confront him, as i'm currently in the mindset of m=x1 blahhhh so i was like "okay" but typed out a more coherent reply.
a notecard was waiting for me on sl, so after i got done with dance class mom swung me by taco bell then brought me home. i logged on to read it, and i wasn't in the least bit surprised. he hasn't changed a bit, made more promises that nobody believes in. io told him that i'm really angry at him, and she's not wrong. i have been really mad, lashing out here and there when it suits me. while i may have moved on, he keeps turning up like a bad habit. i thought io showed tremendous self restraint, and she had spitfire there to support her. they had my back, and though they fibbed a bit to show how much of an ass he's been, i think they were more honest than they realized.
io said i've been in chaos, and i think she's right. i've been wild, refusing any hand trying to tame me and absolutely refusing to submit to anyone. i've thought about bottoming to people, but my submission is locked away as securely as what's left of my icy black heart. ezee may have broken a part of me, but my hatred flows as deep as a river and my fury is like the goddess pele in all her might. i'll be fine eventually, i'm just learning once again to be a lonely thing, floating around the grid doing my own thing.
i find it funny that even though spitfire and io asked ezee over and over to give up the ldr group, he kept saying no because it had sentimental value to him. i've given up things when i couldn't lead them anymore, and yet he's not mature enough to do one little thing that will really give him peace. i got active again on vampirefreaks when a message popped up for me asking me to come back to a group i had taken over, so i've done so. i've been working on revitalizing it from the ground up, moving threads around and posting new things for members.
it makes me happy in a way to start bringing the group back from the dead, and it's also somewhat hilarious that ezee claims he's gonna do that, and yet we all expect him to be nothing but talk and just vanish into the night again. it's what he always does anyways, so we don't expect anything different from him at this point. i'm not going to back down as a mod in the group, even if he does show up.
while i may want nothing to do with him at this point, i can run the ldr group in my sleep better than he can, and i refuse to watch him run it into the ground. his incompetence will not stand, and i'll continue making sure that we keep the groups to the standards we set without him. after all, it's what i've been doing anyways in his months-long absence.
when he disappears again, i'll just keep on trucking. i've learned not to rely on him, and i'm not going back. even if he paid me a million lindens, i would not go back. he lost me a long time ago, and he doesn't even care. i've never been more than an afterthought to him, even though he claims he cares about me. io had to bring me and rayne up to him, because he never even asked. he doesn't care at all about us, his lost harem, he just pretends he does so he doesn't look bad. filthy liar.
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