a black heart breaks

 let me tell you a story from back in 2015. when i met a man named vhalence valinos. that's me in my original standard avi, sharing drinks in a hot tub at black beach. he was caught in a love triangle with a woman named dadga and her other lover, asche. i ended up keeping him company since dadga was too busy yo-yoing back and forth, which meant we got to know each other.

 we had a lot of chemistry between us, and after hours and hours of talking, we decided to become a couple after dadga chose to be with asche. she lamented that i had stolen him away from her, but i pointed out that wasn't possible since she spent all of her time with asche and ignored vhalence entirely. he left on his own accord, for me because we had so much in common.

 so over a couple weeks we got closer and closer together. it was frightening, but also intoxicating. i'm not sure if i had ever fallen for someone so hard, so fast before. it was like a drug, what i know now is called NRE or new relationship energy.

 we became inseparable, twin shadows that felt each other's pain and i helped him get over dadga's betrayal. hours and hours of conversations went on between us, and i was glowing with our newfound love. i was complete, or so i thought.

 i brought him to a steampunk party to meet io and ezee, who at the time were my sl parents. we laughed and made jokes over me introducing the boyfriend, and i even won the contest that day for best in steampunk attire.

 then, we found this beautiful romantic sim where he proposed to me. yeah, three weeks is alarmingly fast anywhere else, but on second life that's par for the course. what i didn't realize is that a whirlwind relationship is doomed to fail just as fast.

 i didn't notice it at fast, the way he started to become distant with me.

 i started to think something was wrong, but i didn't know what. i just knew that something was different.

 he was pulling away from me.

 this is the last photo i took of us together, before our breakup. i am poly, and he is not. he was fine with it in theory, but when it came down to the practice of it, he wasn't okay and so we had to end. i sent him the sl "divorce papers" that removed him from my profile slot, and wished him the best.

i then took this photo a few days later, because i was now alone.

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i visited the sim where my life had changed last year. it's mostly the same, but the spot where he had proposed is gone now, and i had to use the old photo and compare it with what the sim looks like now to find it. vhalence and i haven't spoken in what will be three years this year, and i guess i'm still hurting because of him. he was my first love in sl, and he broke my heart so completely that i'm still aching inside.

last july i met a man, viktor arnbjorn. we ended up talking, all day and all night. there was something there, and i dared to hope. maybe i could finally put vhalence behind me and stop being haunted by his memory. i helped him with a messy rl breakup, and was there to pick up the pieces. while our avatars innocently danced at club limelight, we became intimate in our inboxes.

two days later he meets aya moon.

two weeks later she's his girlfriend.

july 21st, 2017 he proposes to her.

and i.. was crushed.

i was stupid enough to fall head over heels for him, and he repaid me by getting with someone else. we hadn't talked about dating, but the way our conversations had been going, i assumed it was on the table. i was brought to meet her in august, but my heart shattered more with every moment i was in their presence, and i couldn't help but flee the sim we were on.

five months go by, and i hadn't heard from him. i assumed he had been so happy with his fiance he'd forgotten i existed, even though we had spoken on discord a few times. turned out they'd been having problems, and then he'd been in an accident bad enough that he's been in physical therapy. she had pulled away from him, gone so distant that when he finally got in her face she broke up with him, and hadn't been online.

when i saw him log on, i immediately imed him overwhelmed with joy. i found out about the above, and we spent more hours over a few days talking. i was happy, he seemed like he was happy. i thought maybe we could have another chance because aya was no longer in the picture. i was a fool.

i helped him support his second life mom peaches when she had a double crisis of her avatar and account getting hacked. on saturday i asked about her, he didn't say much. on sunday he said peaches was doing okay, but our conversation kind of died and i thought it was because his knee was bothering him from overdoing it in his exercising. i ended up sick and haven't been online until today, 1/30/18.

i found out today that viktor got back together with aya on sunday, and their engagement is back on.


i am a fool.