haunting

vera lee, haunting me, here with me

vera lee, watching me, carefully 

i admit, starting a blog off when you're tired and sleep deprived is probably not a good idea. there's less control over the words, maybe the flow is off or you pick up a weird vibe. or you miss words left and right and your dyscalculia decides that every word should be mixed up or backwards. or you add letters and invent new words when you're just trying to get thoughts out of your head.

probably would be a much better idea to wait to write this until i've gotten some sleep, but i might not have the courage to do so then. what's liquid courage when you have 'i'm tired and making decisions'? maybe it's because my thoughts are being unexpectedly haunted. i dunno.

why is she calling out to me?

 it started out like any other rp when i meet someone new on a sim where you're encouraged to create stories and push overall plot. being strangers our rp was stiff and cool, not sure how the other person interacted and getting a feel for the personality of the character. it took time to start relaxing a bit, but even then it depended on who's story was being pushed that day. 

one of my characters got a much warmer reception than the other, so i started using that one more. curiosity really, to find out just what it was about her that seemed to have such an impact. slowly, little hints and jokes began to appear. we warmed up to each other, and banter started forming. a friendship might be growing, as we became rp buddies. 

enter kit. kit was a newbie to the sim, and after a bit of a rough start where my character freaked her out and my router decided to ground me we fell to talking. and then, for no reason she dragged her new friend into the conversation to make it a group chat. i was startled but went on for the ride, and we continued our conversation.

she's a catalyst. or some kind of mystical charm. suddenly we were talking to each other, cracking jokes and telling stories from our past. an unexpected friendship formed, where it feels like we've known each others for years when we've actually only known each other for a short time. it's funny how that happens, i'm sure there's some kind of science behind it but i am currently far too tired to care enough to go look it up.

vera lee, haunting me, here with me

vera lee, watching me, carefully 

 the jokes started building, and kit started pushing us to do things to each other. we brushed her off, she's funny and endearing but you know how it is. a significant moment in rp, when i brushed against his fingers by accident when grabbing a curry brush to help out a horse that had gotten tangled in some bushes. it was a moment, as it had been one thing for him to lay a hand on my shoulder in comfort while my character tried to wrestle with the fragments of her broken mind, but another when she touched him.

i got the sense that he was starting to lay cards on the table, and of course he played quite an epic prank. i one hundred percent thought his avatar was going to kiss mine when he tipped my chin up, instead he vanished into thin air as he logged off. i laughed pretty hard over it, it was quite a clever trick and certainly had my attention since no one had ever done that to me before. 

kit keeps saying that we're flirting with each other, i think it's just witty banter with a bit of a sexual edge. admittedly though i am never aware of when i'm flirting, some fancy pants article from back in the day pegged me as a 'natural flirt' but i've never really cared to look into what that actually means. banter and witty repartee are my game, not whatever flirting is.

 the other day we were being rather playful in rp, i was making some veiled sex jokes when he responded in kind, and we went back and forth slowly escalating the subtle sex jokes until i got too tired to keep going because my stupid ass thought it would be a good idea to seek him out while i was sleep deprived. 

he thought it was funny that i had posted an exit post three times before actually leaving, and while i had been too tired to realize it, i merely replied that he's a little addicting; though i really do need to find a better word since that one is too strong. he's not like a drug. not yet anyways.

his response had me laughing pretty hard, and kit started in on how we're both dorks. she and i ended up talking last night actually, and she was going on about how we should just bang already. i told her "a good rp always has build up" and i got smacked for my efforts. lol.

it's been cautious interest, since i don't know if he's interested beyond my character. so far i've just been taking it slow, seeing what his cards are before i decide to sit down at the table and show mine. the tension has slowly been building between us, but i'm not sure where it's going to lead. admittedly it also feels like a good thing, to have someone interested in me for the first time since last april.

i guess we'll just have to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.